Our Own Critic
Do you feel like you are too harsh on yourself? Do you sometimes get overwhelmed by feeling of anxiety or shame, or feel that you “aren’t good enough”? Perhaps you recognise that you are often your harshest critic, saying unkind or critical things about yourself? No matter what you do you always find fault in it? Is this helpful? Has it been a useful strategy?
Maybe we could try a different approach? We could try and say kind or good things about ourselves?
If we can be kinder to ourselves it uses a different part of our brain and it helps us slow down and make more balanced choices. This might feel a bit strange at first as we are more used to being critical than kind.
We probably find it easier to be kinder and more supportive to a friend than ourselves. So next time you find yourself being hard or critical on yourself ask yourself “What would I say to a friend who was in the same situation as me?”.
This is something that will likely take practice. A good way of doing this can be note your initial critical thought or feeling when a challenge or situation arises and then think about how you could have responded in a kinder or more helpful way.
This process requires you to become more observant of how certain events or situations make you feel, and by practicing more balanced thinking or being kinder to ourselves you begin to use a new part of the brain that experiences more positive emotions. This approach can be seen as a willingness to respond openly and kindly to difficult feelings that you and others may experience.
Below is an example of how we might respond to a situation and then how we might have a more balanced approach to it:
| Trigger | Difficult thoughts | Balanced/kinder thoughts |
| Struggling to make lifestyle changes and lose weight | “ I’m useless”“I always fail”“might as well stop trying to change” | “I have been making changes”“it was just one time I didn’t make a healthy choice”“I can still get back on track”I am doing the best I can” |
Below is a link to a series of modules that you might find useful to help build self compassion. This pack will provide you with some information and practical skills to help you be less critical and more compassionate towards yourself. It is organised into modules that are designed to be worked through in sequence. We recommend that you complete one module before going on to the next. Each module includes information, worksheets, and suggested exercises or activities.
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Compassion
Speak to Ourselves as we Would a Friend
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